Fact or Fiction: The continual flame

Today was very productive. A neccesity in the lagging summer days of laze. I moved some ice for my dad, read 220 pages in my summer reading book, answered a question (you really can't answer them until you finish the book), ran over my lines for souled out, went briefly over my sermon, and the last thing I did was weed the yard for money.


As I was weeding I realized an analogy. In weeding as compared to me. I look at my life and all the different weeds that were in it. I think about God pulled them out for me. I look at how I tried myself but it was as futile as trying to pull the weed out but not getting the root; because without it, the weed would come back the next day. Hence; sin. But rather than stay with the same cliched analogy as I just rambled off I thought about something new. About how God's point of view towards this must be. For me it was annoiying to have to keep getting the root every time. And I think about how annoyed I would get if I had to do it every day; only times like (how many people are in the world) and the fact that I know that if the weed isn't somewhat compliant and holds onto the dirt it is clinging to that I might not get the root and it will be back soon after. It's amazing how long we hold onto dirt we don't have to have and how if we just let God work in on it at the root it can all be gone and similar to a garden; we can become even more beautiful. I think about how Jesus died on the cross just to have us continually go in and out of sin. For him to know what is going to happen but compassion existed enough to still continue on with it. Monotony; in the least. A spark. I want to be that one person who only has to be told once; then gets the idea and gets a flame and spreads it.

Light me on fire, but help me to stay lit and not have to have you continually come back to light me but rather so you may touch another's life. And that in ME touching other's lives and lighting them on fire, I stay lit.

Start the spark,
light the fire,
love others,
spread the fire,
and in turn,
stay lit.


"Cause I know my God saved the day, and I know his word never fails, and I know my God made a way for me, It's gonna be alright, Salvation is here."


Salvation:

Preservation or deliverance from destruction, difficulty, or evil.
A source, means, or cause of such preservation or deliverance.
Deliverance from the power or penalty of sin; redemption.

I must spread this "salvation" for it sounds miraculous.

Complacency has no place here.

I am learning new things lately.

So basically I have been learning about how to love others. My neighbors. My classmates. But I'm starting to realize that I have to remember to love my family. And their love languages are all different. And it is difficult to learn all their love languages and keep them going. Help me with relationships please. Help me learn to keep the ones I have as well as develop new ones. Help her. For whatever she may need. Wisdom, need it be. Strength, need it be. I want to be there for her and I can as much as I can. But you can so much more. For you are her everything. And help complacency not to settle. Keep restlessness. Keep growth. For I don't feel as if it's gone but I know it could. I need you. I thank you so much for everything you have done for me. Thank you for wisdom. Wisdom. I know you have blessed me with it, but I continue to ask for more. I love you. hehe


Your warrior,

Jordan

The battle, The march, The leader.

Into battle.

He grips at her heels. Nipping and biting. Giving all he has and is to just Get Her Down. Defeated. He is here to kill, steal, and destroy. If I could substitute; yes tag team. Wait. Can I? Hosana. In the highest. Worship. Shall I lead the way with the sword. Could the way to defeat him and get him off of her be spreading the word to others to get him preoccupied. To be proactive. For my gift is not comfort. Hers is. That is her place. And his. My left hand man. He shall help me at any cause to march into battle. On my right hand the lord. My shield bearer. Her; she shall aid. Comfort the blow. Give me wisdom. Beyond my imagination. To know what is best in situations as dark as the depths he is condemned to. I shall march. Intercede. OH Yes! Intercede. For I feel at this exact moment in time I am restless and angry. And all I can do is pray. Tongues. For I know not what to pray for. And I have been given several different types of tongues. He shall choose the correct one for the specific time. He shall interpret.


March. Sound the alarm. For it is coming. The revelation. The revolution. Into battle I plunge. For what use is my life unless it is furthering his kingdom and loving. Yes eternally loving.


You lead. I will follow.
And in following.
Lead others.
I will go.
Yes; I will go.

I'm in over my head. and lovin' it.

I think she is grand. Wonderful. Delightful. She is so much fun. And loves to have fun.

But I fear.

What will he say; think; decide?
Will he think of it as just as futile and unnecessary as last time?
Will my age damper his even consideration on the subject?
Will he consider me a joke and not even listen?
What shall I do; for my anxiety and apprehension is eating me alive.

Or shall he realize.

I look at her for internal as well as external beauty.
We both help each other in this journey.
I love being with her.
I can honestly say I can't see myself with anyone else but her.
That I AM smart enough, capable, providing, able, and most of all loving to her.
That I can never take his place but rather make her happy when he might not be able to be around her.
That I love her. Wow that is such a strong phrase. Love. But technically according to the bible I'm supposed to love her whether I want to be in an intimate relationship or not. So I don't feel akwardness or discomfort when I say that. But rather I am proud of it. I will fight for her. Perhaps fighting for her is simply telling him:

Hello Sir may I sit down and talk with you for a minute.

I like your daugther immensely and we would like to start dating. I feel it is my obligation to ask you permission for I don't want to be deceitful but rather open and honest with our relationship. I kindly will accept any answer or questions you may have for me. I have nothing to tell but the truth. Please accept my request.


Apprehension; could not describe it any better. For I am in over my head. Because before I was able to accept any answer he would say because I wasn't truly loving her. I hadn't delved into the mystery that is her. But now I know; am sure, I can't go back. I was being safe before; "you can't take any more hurt so you mine as well play it safe and not even bother," said the voice in my head. But now that I have I love it and never want to go back.


Father,

Hear my prayer. Give me faith that you work all things for the good of those who love you. Oh how I love you. For you are the alpha and omega and the creator of all things good. Please help me to have faith and trust you that this will work. For this is one of the road blocks but if this works it will motivate me to press on. Motivation. Encouragement. Faith. Help my unfaithfulness. I need you in this time; for my thoughts alone cannot provide adequate guidance.

Your loving son,

Jordan



I'm in so much over my head; and couldn't turn back if I wanted to. But then again why would I want to.

I'm loving it.

So you will be.

I love my Jesus. Wow. How I love you lord.


Let me just say that I am the kind of person that likes challenges. I like giving myself challenges. When I look at signs and see a word I will then play a mind game with myself and try to spell that word with letters from other signs. Or count how many times I can make the word again. Or see things like stop signs and see that there are at least eight other words inside of it. [top, tops, pot, pots, so, to, post, sot] Or to have an uncontrollable need to make sure I step a maximum 2 times per sidewalk square. This is me. I find it so amazing how God can impress me in ways that are so; how can I say, ME. He impresses me in ways and things that would only impress me. I love it. I love how he can plan things out so that they work like clockwork. How he can put something in motion days, weeks, even years before you know it and have it come out at the exact right time. How he can speak to you through a movie even. To have an undeniable sentence leap off the movie screen out at you; play the exact role you need it to, and know that it is from God. I am so in awe. He has started to put wheels in motion. I feel them turning inside of me. I am getting unbelievable insight that I feel an; obligation to tell. I can't be selfish with this. This is why I am here.


He has given me incredibly strong tools and equipment.

Her: She strengthens me, builds me up. Encourages; Oh yes, beyond her belief. Knows her place; and excels at it. Branches off from where she is at and creates other wonderful things to aid her and I. She is; Capable.

Holy Spirit: Guidance. Oh how I feel so young. So immature. But with him I am neither. I am strong, able. He gives me insight; incredible beyond my imagination. I cannot fathom what lies ahead. For although I am anxious, I must do my part where I am at now and wait until it is time.

Him: Love. Uncontrollable love. Inconceivable love. Forgiveness. The peace and tranquility of knowing you are right in his eyes. Encouragement from compassion. To share it. To; Evangelize.


I can't wait. For I know he has plans to prosper me. And yes I am scared at times. Terrified even. But then I hear his still small voice whisper.

"It's going to be OK. You are on the right path. Just run with it. You will make it where you need to be."

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And as for her.


I can't explain it. I've tried. And I will try again. But I will never do the feeling justice in adequate explanation.
- How can I feel so comfortable, so at peace. How can I have such love and tenderness in one moment of time.
- Strength; Oh indeed. She is capable, able, even remarkably good at providing. Just what I need, when I need it. And in all this bring me even more in love and closer to him. I can't help but think this is how it was; is supposed to be done.

But that thought.

Am I:
-Good enough
-Strong enough
-Providing
-Capable
-Smart enough

For someone of her magnitude. For I know; she is great. But then he says.
So you will be.

The never ending....[He is as well]; and my un-intention.

When. When will one of these finally work? It has; in escence; great potential. The base of it will be a fortress; yes a mighty cornerstone. Out of which nothing but immense joy will flow like streams and brooks; created for none other than I. Or so it seems. The final result awakes my disheartenment. However, despite that, I feel nothing but restlessness and eagerness for the days to come. Of course; making the days at hand seem trivial. Trivial. What am I saying? They are anything but trivial. They have innumerous necessities that cannot be manufactured or replaced or bought in a magazine.

Patience. I must wait. For the one I say that I love, but have trouble being patient for. "Love is patient." they tell me. I yearn for the quality. The virtue. I must ask for it then. For after all; if I ask I am to receive. I humbly ask for patience and understanding, for I obviously contain neither of these two qualities at the needed amount. Maybe that is why this period of time has happened. I am restless. Not bad. Bad placement. To be restless. Possibly a good attribute. Put into good place; that is. To further our goal. To never be- content. Be careful. Choose your times. For you have been given discernment. To know when to be what.

Love. What; or rather why this feeling? Well, for him to show us how he feels. And to bestow the most wonderful thing of all into our lives. I love. I want to love. Or. To impart love to another. But again I question placement. Or rather amount in placement. As I pass through this grey area for a period of time, shall I not love on others immensly. How? Is it yelling at them to get them to "convert". Here is where the hypocrites draw the line. Love is untouchable for them. Pharisees. But love. Or maybe compassion. Or just generally caring for them. Maybe lending money. More practical things. But shall this continue when this waiting period is over. Yes. Deffinitely. For as I am trained things begin to; how you say; stick. And that, in retrospect; is growth. A time of growth. Its near impossible to change that into something bad.

Feeling. How much can I write about how I am feeling. The answer is quite simple. I really don't; well didn't; know how I was feeling. This is good. Productive. But in the days to come. Well, the days without grey. There shall still be growth. But to grow you must reach certain levels I believe. Perhaps I, her, we must reach another level before we can grow; together. I hope. Believe. Trust. Oh, trust. Impossible. I can put all my cares into his hands. Never. I must go at it in a tactical procedure. Determining all the moves, strategies, outputs and inputs. For there lies true wisdom right? Wrong. Completely. Look at how far that got you last time. Not only did it not work. It brought you farther apart. Not this time. No, I won't allow it.

Listening. What exactly is it? Is it being silent. Or hearing a thought in my head and acting upon it. Then seeing how it ends up and being able to tell what thoughts in my head are mine and which ones are God. Yes that sounds right. To be accustomed to the holy spirit talking. This seems painful; for I will get into trouble sometimes for following my own thoughts. bible. Biblical as my friend would say. That is the key. Not the key that you put into a door, but the key that you decipher maps and codes with. It will help, aid, further the cause. Yes, for listening will cause closeness. And discernment on how to love. And being focused and working on all this will keep me; distracted. For I feel that is the only way to pass the time. Be distracted; by God. For there is so much to do that I shouldn't have time to worry and analyze every little thing said when it may mean nothing. But paying attention is still needed. Do not completely shun or shut out. For then they will feel rejected and unloved. My unintention.



For when I listen and trust in God, my loving will become true and earnest towards my neighbors; in turn passing the "grey area" time. Making me patient.


Trust. Keeps coming back up. It's a toughy. Doesn't have to be though. That's another blog.



-Your trusting and listening servant-

July 8, 2008

Dear beloved son: I say this,

"Pull yourself back into my arms for awhile. You're not quite ready. You think you are but you say you trust with my understanding. I know the plans I have to prosper you. I want to make everything in your life not good but astoundingly and profoundly great. You do have time. Do you not believe that I am in control of everything? Including time. I can help you. But do me a favor and don't obsess, or idolize. Yes it will be great. But I created her. I made her. Show me that your heart is one with mine. For if not you and I both know the path of destruction it will lead to. You've had this happen before. Though many don't know about it; I do. I know how it hurt. And we both know it was your inability to trust me. To give it all to me and trust that when the time comes; I will tell you. It is not far off in the distance, but rather than thinking and counting down the time; Enjoy the time. The time with me. The time with her. Let us dwell on the good things. For there will be times of trial and heartache. There will be things set in place in order for you to grow. But trust me. It will all work out. YOUR time will come. It WILL be great! I have the master plans remember? Just Relax and stop scrutinizing every situation from all the point of views and charts and maps and diagrams and just be at peace. Peace. It is not something fairytaled off in yoga classes and personal trainers. It is being confident in me. You are getting there. You are going to do mighty things for my kingdom. But just know; I am in control. I will provide for you and in fact; if you follow me; I will provide MORE than enough. Confide in me. Trust. Don't know that i can but know that I will. and as for her. I am preparing you for her. She deserves so much. I love her. You deserve so much. I love you. I want to prepare you both for each other. And more than that I want you two to have the greatest lives ever. For I make all things work out for GOOD for those who love me and are called according to my purpose. That verse was designed for you. I called you; and will make it work. I want the triangle of us to be moving forward at all times; friendship is what will do it at this point in time. Don't fear that you will become too good of friends and then not want to be together. For it is on friendships that the Greatest relationships are built on. Not on sand, but rather stone. And yes you guessed it; i am that stone. The cornerstone that you will build not just this relationship, but all your relationships on. If you have nothing in common know that you can always start a conversation off with love. Not "Hey you sinner come to Christ love", but rather "I have this great thing in my life and i love you enough to tell you about it and how you can feel this way too!"
This is where you need to grow. If you are to be like Paul you must begin that now rather than think it is far off. It is now. It has always been now. You are just now choosing to hear it rather than shove it off like my words are no better than commercials or ads on the radio that you've heard a million times and don't care to hear. You are listening to me. I love it. I have always listened to you. I forgive you. You are.....Forgiven!"


P.S.
You wonder why it took so long and why all of the sudden you are realizing things about her didn't realize. I opened you eyes. Give me credit for that at least. I showed you. I want you to know how great I have led her to become. And not as much that but rather how GREAT she will become. Don't worry about past times. You were nothing without me. I will show you my grace through her. I love you so much.



Your loving father and best friend,
Jesus

July 6, 2008

In Acts 28 Paul is teaching to some people. He tries to lay hands on them but they aren't healed. Now I know that if I was in that position I would immediately be discouraged that I couldn't heal them. But Paul has healed thousands of people and is one of the greatest evangelists ever. If he couldn't heal them then you know that something is different here. As I read on I see that it says that the reason he couldn't heal them was because their hearts were hardened; or already set on not being healed. This is encouragement to me because it is saying the reason you couldn't heal them might not always be your faith but rather their hidden agenda to try to rub in the face of christianity the fact that they weren't healed.

Another thing I see at the end of this passage is in this verse.

"For the next two years, Paul lived in Rome at his own expense. He welcomed all who visited him, 31 boldly proclaiming the Kingdom of God and teaching about the Lord Jesus Christ. And no one tried to stop him."

What strikes me is that he was able to live in one of the biggest cities/ empires for two years at his own expense or in his own rented corters. Which tells me that it cost him money to be there. God provided for him (an evangelist). This gives me hope that he will provide for me.


A wise person once told me

"Don't create distance, for fear of fear's existence."


I love that statement.




Jordan

July 4, 2008

Dear Father,

I love you so much. You have such a way with planning everything so it works out perfect. You are graceful, merciful, kind, gentle, compassionate; and perfect in every way. The beginning and end. Literally. The beginning of life for new believers; and the end of existence as we know it for those who don't accept you. I come asking a request of you. It is nothing but biblical. I need help to make it through today and tomorrow. I worked yesterday. I have to work today. I work tomorrow. 16 hour days. I can't make it through these days on my own. But through you I can have a good attitude and be overjoyed and excited for the great opportunities. I thank you; for all that you are doing, all that you have done, and all that you are planning to do.


Your devoted son,

Jordan

July 5, 2008

Alright so I'm still reading in Acts and I don't have too much time to write but the main synopsis of the story is that Paul is being arrested for preaching the gospel and is put into jail for 8 years. I was complaining today because I have to work for three days straight for 16 hours but he was in jail for 8 years!!! He didn't complain at all; and when they tried him he just went on like it was any old day. Conclusion: I have to trust God to get me through the days. Today was okay. Pray that it doesn't rain or thunderstorm tomorrow. I would like to make some money if I am going to work a lot. I am kind of missing someone and wish they would come back so I pray that the time flies... unlike today. And praise report!!!

I made all my money for mission! yay!!


Still waiting,

Jordan

July 3, 2008

Hello. I am still reading in Acts specifically chapter 22 here where Paul is adressing the people who are actually about to kill him. As I was reading his testimony I thought about why he was so great. And how he got to such an esteemed position in God's kingdom. And the more I read I began to understand that God specifically enjoyed using Paul because he started off persecuting christians and ended reviving the nationwide church of God. And I think the amazing thing was people listened to him because he was completely honest and didn't have to sell God anywhere. The reality of it was that he didn't have to sell God because God always comes through for us. Another reason I believe they listened to him was because he had been in sin like they had. Actually some of the worst sin because he killed the first martyrer ever. The thought in everyone's minds was, "Wow, if God can heal people through a man who once killed christians; then why wouldn't I be able to." God doesn't intend for us to fall into sin. But because we have free will we might. But the fact is God is going to use that for good. Saul was a sick man who killed christians and that was his choice and wrongdoing but god uses him for so much more. Thousands came to Jesus because of Paul. The last reason I think Paul's ministry was so effective is because he was willing to die for it. You realize who you really are and your real value system when life or death is on the line; and the fact was that they didn't really have anything to live or die for and this concept interested them. Monumentally. Something to work toward. So I conclude these things.

Effective Ministry.
1. Ministry should be truth. Because the fact of the matter is that ministry is truth.
2. Ministry should show your testimony and struggles because real-life experiences are the most unique, passionate, and moving.
3. You should be willing to die for your ministry because the fact is in Acts 20:24 Paul says this:

"But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus—the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God."


Because something that is worth dying for is worth paying some attention and thought to. And that is our goal. To get their attention and get them thinking about it.




If I had a million dollars I would want to share it and my good fortune with my friends. God is my million dollars and more. I want to share him with my friends so much.

Lord,
Help me to reach others rather than let this fire burn inside me and not ignite anyone else because eventually it will diminish. I get re-ignited as I spread the wildfire to others.

Love,

Your humble and faithful servant.

July 2, 2008

I love God a lot. He has a way of making me better but at the same time filling in where I lack. He has shown me that the things I want the most are not out of grasp but rather extremely attainable and onlye because they are lining up with his plans.

Romans 8:28

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

I am called to be an evangelist I believe. His purpose. He will equip me. The devil is trying to convince me that no ministers make it and don't do well financially but I rebuke that in the name of Jesus and know that God has my future in his hands. I am actually looking forward to the future. To all the things God has in store. He has such a big plan; an intricate, mapped out plan.

What I think his plan is for me:

1. Go to a college (possible Valley Forge)
2. Get a degree in being an evangelist
3. Get a teaching degree.
4. Become a high school teacher and speak at churches and places like that in the summers.
5. Eventually move to full time evangelism.

Tell me your thoughts.

July 1, 2008

Hello anyone who reads this blog. All two or three of you. I think I should start reading other people's blogs and maybe they will read mine. But I do kind of like it to be more personal or a way to get what I'm feeling into words. Today was awesome. I had a visions day meeting which turned out to be more helpful than I thought it would be. Got some topics such as what are "wins" for simpleyouth. Very effective. Then went to Luke's house and hung out with some of my favorite people. One in particular. I like her a lot. haha funny stories. (inside jokes). back on track. We set down our rules for how you would say "touching". Very low key in public as in mostly nothing at all. When with friends or in a closed environment holding hands is where we are at right now. I don't want to jump too far ahead and then feel like we're not growing. And more importantly I want to let her know that I like her for more than her looks. And as I got to thinking about it I realized how important it is for me to point out to myself what I like about her. and here it is in order of importance.


1. Her love for God. Passion to be closer.
2. Strength. In being confident in what she believes in; and being able to stand up for herself even though she knows that I will always stand up for her.
3. Compassion. Towards children. And all people really. Mostly just her genuine love for others.
4. Wisdom. Her ability to be able to know what is right and wrong in areas that seem very grey to me.
5. Her love. How she can give and give and give and not expect anything in return; Although I will give to her as much as possible.
6. Her sense of Responsibility. That I can entrust something in her or ask her of something and know that it will be done. However I will try to ask as little from her as I can.
7. Her beauty. Inside and out. She is just refreshingly pure. Always happy and smiling. I'd heard it was contagious but boy were they true.
8. Her sense of reality but also boldness. Her ability to be aware of what lies ahead. But to not cower or back down from it.
9. Her competency. To look at me and not see my physical and earthly age. But rather my spiritual age; and my relationship with the God we both love dearly.
10. Her sense of humor. Or rather capability to humor me when I'm really not funny.

There they are. The 10 top things I like about her. Not in detail but rather broad and open for more personal thought. But i thought it would be good for me to put my thoughts out there in the open. Tell me what you think.

The longer the wait the better the occasion.

I wonder if that's in the bible because for so many different occasions that keep popping up this
phrase keeps hitting me.


From here on is mostly just inside jokes.




I found You in the most unlikely way But really it was You who found meAnd I found myself in the gifts that You gave You gave me so much and I I wish You could staybut I'll, I'll wait for the day

Fun(ny things) haha

I will fight for you. Show you. I'm just deciding how.



-jordan-