The never ending....[He is as well]; and my un-intention.

When. When will one of these finally work? It has; in escence; great potential. The base of it will be a fortress; yes a mighty cornerstone. Out of which nothing but immense joy will flow like streams and brooks; created for none other than I. Or so it seems. The final result awakes my disheartenment. However, despite that, I feel nothing but restlessness and eagerness for the days to come. Of course; making the days at hand seem trivial. Trivial. What am I saying? They are anything but trivial. They have innumerous necessities that cannot be manufactured or replaced or bought in a magazine.

Patience. I must wait. For the one I say that I love, but have trouble being patient for. "Love is patient." they tell me. I yearn for the quality. The virtue. I must ask for it then. For after all; if I ask I am to receive. I humbly ask for patience and understanding, for I obviously contain neither of these two qualities at the needed amount. Maybe that is why this period of time has happened. I am restless. Not bad. Bad placement. To be restless. Possibly a good attribute. Put into good place; that is. To further our goal. To never be- content. Be careful. Choose your times. For you have been given discernment. To know when to be what.

Love. What; or rather why this feeling? Well, for him to show us how he feels. And to bestow the most wonderful thing of all into our lives. I love. I want to love. Or. To impart love to another. But again I question placement. Or rather amount in placement. As I pass through this grey area for a period of time, shall I not love on others immensly. How? Is it yelling at them to get them to "convert". Here is where the hypocrites draw the line. Love is untouchable for them. Pharisees. But love. Or maybe compassion. Or just generally caring for them. Maybe lending money. More practical things. But shall this continue when this waiting period is over. Yes. Deffinitely. For as I am trained things begin to; how you say; stick. And that, in retrospect; is growth. A time of growth. Its near impossible to change that into something bad.

Feeling. How much can I write about how I am feeling. The answer is quite simple. I really don't; well didn't; know how I was feeling. This is good. Productive. But in the days to come. Well, the days without grey. There shall still be growth. But to grow you must reach certain levels I believe. Perhaps I, her, we must reach another level before we can grow; together. I hope. Believe. Trust. Oh, trust. Impossible. I can put all my cares into his hands. Never. I must go at it in a tactical procedure. Determining all the moves, strategies, outputs and inputs. For there lies true wisdom right? Wrong. Completely. Look at how far that got you last time. Not only did it not work. It brought you farther apart. Not this time. No, I won't allow it.

Listening. What exactly is it? Is it being silent. Or hearing a thought in my head and acting upon it. Then seeing how it ends up and being able to tell what thoughts in my head are mine and which ones are God. Yes that sounds right. To be accustomed to the holy spirit talking. This seems painful; for I will get into trouble sometimes for following my own thoughts. bible. Biblical as my friend would say. That is the key. Not the key that you put into a door, but the key that you decipher maps and codes with. It will help, aid, further the cause. Yes, for listening will cause closeness. And discernment on how to love. And being focused and working on all this will keep me; distracted. For I feel that is the only way to pass the time. Be distracted; by God. For there is so much to do that I shouldn't have time to worry and analyze every little thing said when it may mean nothing. But paying attention is still needed. Do not completely shun or shut out. For then they will feel rejected and unloved. My unintention.



For when I listen and trust in God, my loving will become true and earnest towards my neighbors; in turn passing the "grey area" time. Making me patient.


Trust. Keeps coming back up. It's a toughy. Doesn't have to be though. That's another blog.



-Your trusting and listening servant-