I'm in over my head. and lovin' it.

I think she is grand. Wonderful. Delightful. She is so much fun. And loves to have fun.

But I fear.

What will he say; think; decide?
Will he think of it as just as futile and unnecessary as last time?
Will my age damper his even consideration on the subject?
Will he consider me a joke and not even listen?
What shall I do; for my anxiety and apprehension is eating me alive.

Or shall he realize.

I look at her for internal as well as external beauty.
We both help each other in this journey.
I love being with her.
I can honestly say I can't see myself with anyone else but her.
That I AM smart enough, capable, providing, able, and most of all loving to her.
That I can never take his place but rather make her happy when he might not be able to be around her.
That I love her. Wow that is such a strong phrase. Love. But technically according to the bible I'm supposed to love her whether I want to be in an intimate relationship or not. So I don't feel akwardness or discomfort when I say that. But rather I am proud of it. I will fight for her. Perhaps fighting for her is simply telling him:

Hello Sir may I sit down and talk with you for a minute.

I like your daugther immensely and we would like to start dating. I feel it is my obligation to ask you permission for I don't want to be deceitful but rather open and honest with our relationship. I kindly will accept any answer or questions you may have for me. I have nothing to tell but the truth. Please accept my request.


Apprehension; could not describe it any better. For I am in over my head. Because before I was able to accept any answer he would say because I wasn't truly loving her. I hadn't delved into the mystery that is her. But now I know; am sure, I can't go back. I was being safe before; "you can't take any more hurt so you mine as well play it safe and not even bother," said the voice in my head. But now that I have I love it and never want to go back.


Father,

Hear my prayer. Give me faith that you work all things for the good of those who love you. Oh how I love you. For you are the alpha and omega and the creator of all things good. Please help me to have faith and trust you that this will work. For this is one of the road blocks but if this works it will motivate me to press on. Motivation. Encouragement. Faith. Help my unfaithfulness. I need you in this time; for my thoughts alone cannot provide adequate guidance.

Your loving son,

Jordan



I'm in so much over my head; and couldn't turn back if I wanted to. But then again why would I want to.

I'm loving it.